


Love Me Once Again

by markhyuck6_6



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Needs a Hug, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Misunderstandings, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Salty Haechan, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 17,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27866633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markhyuck6_6/pseuds/markhyuck6_6
Summary: Yumark. Markwoo. Yumarkwoo. Is markhyuck even a thing anymore?orHow Haechan reacts when Mark gets cuddly with Yuta.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 71
Kudos: 377





	1. Intro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters and this story does not correspond/apply to real life. This is work is fiction and for entertainment purposes and entertainment purposes only. Please understand that I do not mean to antagonize anyone or anything in real life and do not mean any type of offense whatsoever. Also, I am not perfect at writing so please excuse me for any mistakes or inaccurate information.

“Today, I learned two things that I can give as a gift to Haechan,” Haechan looked curiously at Mark who was talking to the camera. “Here’s the first one.” With that, he stepped forward and threw a powerful hook kick. Haechan looked at his boyfriend. Did he really want to kick him? He’s that annoying huh?

A while later, as the camera turned off, Yuta rushed to Mark and wrapped both arms around him, picking him up easily. Haechan felt a pit of jealousy forming. Yuta always cuddled with his boyfriend, when would it be his turn?


	2. Chapter 1

Donghyuck stared at Mark who laid on the couch, hugging Jungwoo and rocking him back and forth. He smiled bitterly, oh how wished Mark would do that to him. Lately, his boyfriend has been attached to the other members. He often chose to cuddle with Jungwoo or Yuta, leaving Donghyuck with the only choice of going to Taeil. He even tried to make Mark jealous by clinging onto the oldest. To some extent, it worked. Mark’s face would flash with annoyance but then the next second, he would turn to cling on Yuta or Jungwoo. He sighed, looking down, thoughts plaguing his mind.

He looked back down at the video he was watching. It was the NCT 127 Q&A video. He smiled when he saw that he answered himself for the “most anticipated member.” He shook his head, he’ll admit it. Sometimes, he’s just too confident. His smile froze when he saw Mark’s answer though. Of course, he had said, “my puppy Jungwoo.” Of course, he understood. Jungwoo just came back from his hiatus. But his mind couldn’t help thinking that maybe Mark didn’t love him anymore.

Soon, they were ushered to another filming. Haechan watched in jealousy as Mark played the pepero game with Yuta. As soon as Yuta announced the contestants, Haechan’s heart broke but for the sake of concealing his pain, he laughed in place. He collapsed into laughter with Johnny, watching Mark being unable to stand up due to his giggles. He didn’t seem to have a single ounce of sadness Haechan thought as he watched Mark make his way to Yuta with the piece of pocky in his hands. He held his breath as the two made their way closer to each other, but they weren’t even close when Mark pulled away. Haechan knew he shouldn’t, but he sighed in relief when he saw that the lips never met.

After filming, Doyoung started commenting that Haechan and Jungwoo should stop doing aegyo. As a punishment, Jungwoo and Haechan had received a punishment of acting. Of course, those two being the aegyo kings they are, they did an aegyo version. “Hey, but at least Jungwoo is cute when he does it.” Donghyuck whipped his head to the owner of the voice in shock. Mark just complimented Jungwoo and didn’t even bother to defend him! He sighed and shrugged it off. Jungwoo was cute, even he couldn’t deny that.

“Yeah, that’s true. We can’t say the same for Hyuckie though. You should stop Haechannie. You use too much aegyo.” Donghyuck stared at Jaehyun. He never thought that his hyung would say that, but he was quick to recover, coming up with a sassy remark to throw back.

“How can you say that! I’m adorable!” Haechan faked a gasp, clutching his heart and making a cute expression of hurt, pouting and giving puppy eyes.

“Right Channie, now please stop. We need to go,” Mark said with no emotion whatsoever. After hearing the comment, Donghyuck immediately stopped. He looked down, pouting. Why did Mark hate his aegyo? When he did it, he always smiled like an idiot, why did he have to tell him to stop now?

On the van, Donghyuck sighed and scrolled through the video that just aired. It was the filming that just happened.  _ Wow, they’re fast!  _ He scrolled through the comments, wanting to see what the fans all said.

_ Wow! Mark looks so whipped for Jungwoo! _

_ Why do I suddenly ship Jungwoo and Mark? _

_ Ooooh, Mark and Yuta!!!!! I ship it! _

_ Mark, Yuta and Jungwoo would make a good trio! _

_ Yumarkwoo be like- _

_ Why do they look so whipped for each other! _

_ Wow… Haechan uses so much aegyo. He should stop. He looks ugly when he does it. _

Donghyuck was struck after seeing the last comment. Were the others right? Should he stop? Is that why Mark told him to stop? Was it because he looked ugly when doing it? Before he could even realize, tears were streaming down his face. Mark sidled up to Donghyuck, wiping away the stray tear from his face, holding an expression of concern.

“Hey, baby… why are you crying? Are you okay? Are you feeling sick? I can get the hy-” Mark’s rambling was cut off by Donghyuck’s giggling.

“I-I’m fine. Just saw something I didn’t want to see.”

“What is it? Show me,” Mark urged, wanting to know what made his sunshine cry. Hyuck opened his phone, showing the comment to him. Mark’s eyebrows furrowed up. This was the reason? “Is this because of what the hyungs said before? It’s fine, you’re not ugly when you do it.”

With that said, Mark hugged him. Donghyuck immediately melted into the embrace, but not feeling much better than before. Wasn’t Mark the one telling him to stop? The way Mark said the words of comfort weren’t the best either. He said it with so much unenthusiasm that it sounded like he was bored, just saying it for the sake of Haechan to stop whining.


	3. Chapter 2

Back at the dorms, Hyuck immediately retired to his shared bedroom with Johnny. Mark sighed. He always goes there when he’s upset. The rest of the hyungs stared after the boy worriedly, not yet caught up with the current situation. “It’s fine, just saw a few negative comments. No need to get him. Just call him down once dinner is done.” Mark called them back when Jaehyun had started to go to the youngest. He saw the few comments above the aegyo comment. He knew that the real reason that Donghyuck was upset was because the fans shipped him with others other than his own boyfriend. Sometimes, Donghyuck’s possessiveness gets annoying, but that’s what makes him Haechan.

He walked over to Jungwoo and tackled him into a hug, collapsing on the couch beside them. They giggled as Jungwoo started playing with Mark’s hair. He sighed in content, comfort taking over him as he closed his eyes and drifted off into sleep.

~~~

In his room, Donghyuck was questioning his relationship with Mark. Were they even boyfriends anymore? Mark was showing less and less interest in them, turning his focus on Yuta and Jungwoo. He stayed in his room sulking, glad that no one came in to bother him.

Ten minutes later, he walked out to the living room, only to be met with the sight of a sleeping Mark cuddling in Jungwoo’s arms. He smiled bitterly. They looked so cute, like an actual, true couple. Maybe Mark would rather be with Jungwoo. He turned his head, going to the kitchen to help Taeyong cook dinner.

“Hey Hyuckie, why were you upset?” Taeyong asked, not looking up from cutting vegetables. Donghyuck looked down, panicking. Why was he in his room? He can’t just say because he was jealous about Mark and the other members!

“Hyuckie?” Taeyong snapped him out of his trance.

“Huh? Oh, I just needed space. I was tired,” Haechan said, faking a tired smile. Taeyong just smiled and patted his head before going back to work.

Soon, dinner was served and the rest of the members came piling in. Jungwoo and Mark came in last with Mark’s arms wrapped around Jungwoo’s waist. His eyes still half-closed, hair a mess. Donghyuck smiled softly, God, Mark looks so cute, he wishes he can cuddle him to death right now.

Everyone sat down. Mark laid his head on Jungwoo’s shoulder, closing his eyes. The members chuckled, but Donghyuck looked at his food, feeling his stomach twist. He no longer had an appetite and no longer felt like eating. He ate a few bites and quickly excused himself from the table, not noticing the concerned looks thrown his way.

He made his way to Mark’s room, collapsing onto his bed and drinking in his scent. He closed his eyes as he felt the smell envelope him in warmth and felt himself drift into sleep. Just then, the door opened and soft footsteps followed. He felt the bed dip and a hand caress his face. He sighed as he felt the hand stiffen. “You’re awake?” Mark’s uncertain voice floated through the room.

“Yeah, I was about to fall asleep when you came in. Can you cuddle with me?” Donghyuck’s voice came out smaller than expected.

“Of course, just wait for me to wash up,” Mark said. Hyuck smiled, happy to know that at least Mark was willing to cuddle with him. He waited for Mark as he took a shower. He knew it was going to take a while as he showers for one to two hours. Soon though, he felt himself losing the battle against this sleepiness as he felt his eyes droop, no longer having the energy to stay awake.

“Okay baby, we can cuddle now,” Mark said walking out of the bathroom. He looked at his bed in confusion when he received no answer. Mark’s breath hitched as he was met with the cute sight of his sleeping boyfriend. Haechan’s hair spread out on his pillow, lips slightly parted open, soft snores coming out. He smiled softly at the sleeping boy and clambered into the bed, taking some of the covers and hugging his boyfriend close to him. He blushed as he felt him snuggle up to him, head shoved into his chest. He kissed the top of his boyfriend’s head and rested his chin on his hair and he too drifted off into dreamland.


	4. Chapter 3

The next morning, Donghyuck woke up to the cold, the warmth of his boyfriend was gone. The mattress was still warm so it meant that Mark just left. He sighed and sat up. He made his way over to the dining room to eat breakfast. His hyungs greeted him and they left for that day’s schedule. Today, they were going to Inkigayo. After filming some games, they went to the waiting room to prepare. They had one hour and a half to prepare. The group spread out, lounging around and getting their hair and make up done. After fooling around for a while, Haechan felt tired and sat on the couch and went to sleep.

Mark looked at his sleeping boyfriend and laughed. Even after getting a good amount of sleep last night he still manages to fall asleep in the waiting room. His head was leaned back, legs apart, dead asleep. Then, Jungwoo approached him, giving him the drink from the games they earned. Mark smiled. He admits, lately, he feels pretty attached to this boy. He missed him after he left on his long hiatus, sad that he can’t see his little puppy.

Then, Jungwoo suddenly decided to drink it cross-cupped, tangling their arms together. Mark blushed, secretly glancing at Haechan’s sleeping form to make sure he wouldn’t witness the moment. After drinking the thing that helps their immune system, Jungwoo and Mark shared some loving words as Mark talked about how much he missed the other. 

The problem was that he didn’t notice that Donghyuck was faking to be asleep and woke a few minutes before the exchange. He didn’t know that Donghyuck witnessed the cross-cup exchange. He didn’t know that Donghyuck heard all the loving words that were usually meant for him get said to Jungwoo.

When Donghyuck heard all those words, he heard his heart shatter into pieces. He knew there was something going on between the two. Soon, when things quieted down, he yawned, pretending to wake up. Mark looked at the boy and smiled, not expecting to be ignored. He looked at the retreating figure in confusion. What did he do wrong? Right before the filming, he was just fine! Why is he so down now? Instead of worrying about Haechan though, he soon shrugged it off as they had to go perform on stage.

As soon as the performance ended, the group was ushered off the stage, hurried to the dressing rooms to clean up. The whole time, Haechan was avoiding Mark’s eyes, staying in a conversation with Johnny about what to eat when they get back in their dorms.

When they get back, Johnny and Donghyuck go to their shared room to hang out. Johnny obviously had already noticed the conflict between Mark and Donghyuck and wanted to ask his roommate about it. The door closed and Johnny locked it, turning to Donghyuck whose eyes were confused. They came to play games, why lock the door?

Johnny took a deep breath, knowing that Hyuck’s relationship with Mark was a sensitive topic, especially after everyone started questioning it. “Ummm… Hyuck? What’s wrong? Like… as in, what’s wrong with you and Mark?”

Donghyuck immediately tensed, not knowing how to answer. Should he just admit that he, himself, is doubtful about his own relationship with Mark? Without any thoughts, Donghyuck unconsciously teared up. He was immediately enveloped into a hug. Johnny’s hand drew circles on his back, effectively calming him. “I-It’s f-f-f-fine. I-I-It’s just that M-Mark always spends time with Jungwoo and Y-Yuta. I-I-I mean, I understand. J-Jungwoo hyung j-just got back from his h-hiatus a-and W-Winwin hyung left for WayV s-so Yuta hyung n-needs someone t-to cuddle with. It’s just that, he d-doesn’t even s-spend time with m-me a-anymore.”

Johnny rubbed his back comfortably, pitying the youngest. He knew that ever since their summer fight, Mark has been affectionate with other members. He knew that Donghyuck was always scared that Mark would dump him. He sees the way that the maknae stares longingly as his boyfriend cuddles with other members.

He was disappointed in Mark. Yes, he didn’t do that much, just showing affection with other members. But what angered him was that he would always reject Donghyuck’s affection, pushing him away. Even if the latter doesn’t notice, he is hurting the younger. Johnny was so caught up with his thoughts that he didn’t notice Donghyuck fell asleep. He looked at the boy, tear tracks still visible on his face but looking peaceful as ever. He slowly let down the boy onto his bed so he’s laying down in a comfortable position. Smiling at the peaceful younger, he made his way to the dining room.

“Where’s Hyuck?” Taeyong asked, looking around for the maknae.

“He’s asleep. Poor boy, must’ve been tired.” Johnny sighed, running his hand through his hair. The others murmured in acknowledgment. They knew how hard it was for the youngest in their group, bouncing back and forth between Dream and 127 schedules.

Once dinner finished, Mark made his way to Donghyuck’s room. However, before he could step in, Johnny stopped him, telling him to not disturb the sleeping boy.


	5. Chapter 4

A week later, the problem didn’t get better. Mark continued ignoring a pouting Donghyuck. Donghyuck started questioning everything about his boyfriend. He came to the conclusion that Mark thought he was too useless, talentless, fat, and ugly to be his boyfriend. The only reason they haven’t broken up yet was because Mark never had the heart to break up. But the time should be near, Hyuck thought to himself one night, it’s about time Mark gathers up the courage to confront him. Meanwhile, he doesn’t want Mark to be taken away from him so Donghyuck started trying to perfect himself so he’s more “likable.” He started working out and practicing more and skipped meals more and more often, only eating when told. Luckily, no one noticed his antics as everyone was too busy preparing for the new album.

Donghyuck woke up to a hand shaking him on his shoulder. He grumbled, getting out of bed, preparing for that day’s practice. Jungwoo came over to him, giving him a hug which he returned. He could never hate Jungwoo, especially after he went on a hiatus. He knew that Jungwoo never meant anything bad, he was just a clingy person in general.

They went to practice to practice the dances of a few of their new sidetracks. The first one was Sit Down. The song was fast so the dance was really intense. After an hour, the members were all tired out of their minds. They all sigh out of relief when the choreographer announced that they could have a break. Everyone headed to the side. Haechan looked in jealousy as Mark immediately headed to Yuta and gave him a big hug which was reciprocated.

Then, he thought about his interactions between the two. He remembered the big fight between them during the summer in 2017. The fight tore a huge gap in their relationship. The reason for their fight was because Donghyuck started to question their relationship. Donghyuck had asked him if they were still together, and Mark blew up. He yelled at Donghyuck, insulting him that he can even think about that. This brewed up his insecurities that he had back in his trainee days. After they made up, Mark started getting closer with Winwin, choosing to hang out with him instead of his own boyfriend. He even went as far as doing skinship willingly with him. After Winwin left 127 temporarily to promote with WayV, Mark found his way with Jungwoo, finding him his new target, showering him with endless affection. And somehow, Yuta also found his way to Mark as his new person to shower his affection when the chinese left the group.

“Haechan! Let’s go! Break’s over!” Taeyong’s call snapped him out of his thoughts. They started dancing, going through the new dance moves but Haechan found a hard time focusing. His mind was clouded with doubt and insecurities. Soon, he found himself slammed on the ground by Taeil who immediately helped him up, patting his back in comfort.

“Haechan! What are you doing! Stop messing around, we need to focus!” Mark’s loud voice soared through the silent practice room. Haechan flinched, lowering his head. His boyfriend was scolding him in front of everyone. He blinked away his tears and shoved all thoughts out of his mind, focusing on the routine. After a few hours, practice ended and they headed back to the dorms. Jaehyun put a hand on Haechan’s shoulder and whispered some comforting words. He was quiet the rest of practice, keeping his head down the entire time.

Mark looked at Haechan as he rested his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder. They sat on the couch, enjoying some random drama playing on the TV. Mark glanced jealously at Jaehyun’s hand that was playing with his hair. He sighed. He regretted yelling at Haechan during practice, but stress was really getting on him recently, with higher expectations for a full album. It’s times like these where he finally has time to think. His eyes followed Jaehyun’s hand that was still in the younger’s hair. That’s when the realization dawned on him. He hasn’t done much skinship with his boyfriend in a while. Actually, he hasn’t even seen him around a lot, always going to the practice room to practice more and skipping meals claiming that he’s tired. He glanced worriedly at the sleeping figure again. The more he looked, the darker his eye bags seemed. He sighed, he’ll ask tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 5

“Haechan you’re so bad at this! I thought you were the star student, what happened to that?” Donghyuck looked down after hearing Yuta’s comment. He knew that Yuta didn’t mean any harm, but why did it seem like he was mocking him? The others just snickered, remembering what happened in the previous filming.

_ They were competing for the best student. The “master”, Mark, had chosen Haechan as his star student. As soon as Mark announced him as his star student, he immediately brightened, happy that Mark still remembered his boyfriend. _

_ Sadly, the happiness did not last that long. During the competition, Haechan wanted to prove how good he is to Mark, wanting to prove that he actually is the star student. The thing is, he’s not good enough. He’s not good enough for the games and pretty much fails every single one of them. Not just fail, he’s always the first one to fail, announcing him the ultimate failure. _

“Hey, at least he was really good at the marble thing. He did it first try!” Donghyuck looked up at his boyfriend who had just defended him, smiling at him fondly. Donghyuck blushed and looked down. Everyone cooed at the interaction. Laetely, the couple haven’t interacted. They were finally happy a markhyuck moment resurfaced.

“Hey! He only succeeded because he did it in Weekly Idol before and he probably practiced beforehand!” Johnny looked at Haechan in worry, noting how the younger lowered his head at the comment. Lately, he looked more tired and his baby fat started to disappear. But then again, this is what happens when they’re an idol, stress gets the best of them. He brushed off the worry as he thought that Haechan will get over it soon enough. Everyone does.

Little did he know, Donghyuck was currently scolding himself on the van, cursing that he couldn’t be good enough. He looked over at Jungwoo and Mark who were sitting together, Jungwoo’s head on Mark’s shoulder, sleeping soundly. Next to him, Mark was staring fondly at him, a little pink dusted on his cheeks. Donghyuck bit his lip as just blankly stared at the “couple.” He no longer felt jealousy when he saw the common sight in front of him, hell he doesn’t even have tears in his eyes. He simply became numb to all the interactions. He felt nothing, just always stared blankly. Rarely, he feels longing, but always brushes it off, just thinking that he needs to focus on improving himself.

By the time they arrived at the dorms, Haechan was already close to tears. He hated himself for being too weak. He made his way to the practice rooms but was dragged back by Doyoung. The older noticed that the maknae had not been taking proper care of himself. Obviously, being the mother of the group, he made sure that everyone was fed, but somehow, Haechan always escaped from his grasp. Somehow, he feels like there’s something wrong. He even asked him about it, but only getting an eyerole with a playful reply about the Full Sun always being cheerful.

Some might think Mark was the villain in here, but that’s not entirely true. Yes, he is annoyed that Haechan is getting jealous when he does skinship with others, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t worry about him. He knows that his boyfriend is overworking, he’s his boyfriend after all. He tries to treat him better, giving him praises here and there, doing more skinship than before.

The problem is, Donghyuck is the type person to take small things to heart and focus on the negative aspects. Even though Haechan is always optimistic, the summer fight scarred Donghyuck very badly. He can’t help but get hurt whenever he sees Mark with others, reminding him of the time when Mark threw words he would not like to repeat and treat him like nothing but a coworker.


	7. Chapter 6

Haechan smiled brightly as he laughed with Mark. They were having the time of their lives at Weekly Idol. Lately, they got closer even if Mark still spent time with Yuta and Jungwoo. Mark had noticed Hyuck’s eating issue and convinced him to stop, now keeping a watchful eye on him during eating times.

He was happy at least getting more attention from his boyfriend. Yes, call him an attention hogger, but what can he say? It’s nice to be finally noticed by the one person who’s supposed to love him the most.

He watched the new episodes that just aired with a smile, daydreaming about his boyfriend and the planned date later that day. His smile was soon wiped off as soon as he got to a specific part of the episode. It was the 127 Says segment. He looked at the question chosen by Mark. On the piece of paper read “Who do you miss the most when you’re gone?”

_ Mark had given him a look, one that he couldn’t read. He smiled but answered “Actually, someone came to my mind immediately. That’s because there was this once where this happened…” He immediately walked to Jungwoo, and hugged him.  _

Donghyuck stared at the screen as tears formed in his eyes. Now, the more he watches, the more he notices how Mark hugged Jungwoo with so much enthusiasm, even more than how Mark hugs him. Did Mark not miss him during promotions? No, no, that’s not true. Mark always says that he misses him during their nightly calls. But now he thinks about it… maybe he said it with fake enthusiasm… 

_ “What question do you think Mark got Jungwoo?” _

_ “Ummm… Maybe ‘Who you would like to date?’” Jungwoo asked with confidence. Haechan’s heart broke. Was he just that confident? Was he that sure that Mark would choose him even if he was dating him? Haechan looked at Mark who was smiling like an idiot, gosh, he looked so whipped. _

Jungwoo’s question didn’t help either. Even though he hugged Haechan, it wasn’t exactly a good question, “Who looks unusually ugly today?” Was he just that ugly? Is that what Mark thought too?

_ A few members passed, moving on to Doyoung. He looked at the question and hesitantly walked over to Haechan. He sucked in a breath, why was he choosing him? The MCs started asking him questions, “Like touching or no touching?” Ah, Haechan thought, I know what his question was. _

_ “‘Who does he want to punch?’” Haechan answered confidently. Even though Doyoung loved him and treated him like a baby, there was no doubt that he was annoying enough to make Doyoung and the other members want to punch him. He was that unwanted and disliked huh? Maybe he should be a good dongsaeng to the hyungs and not be a brat. _

_ Then, it was Yuta’s turn. _

_ He looked at the slip of paper and smiled. Haechan looked in confusion and worry. What question was it? Yuta rushed to Mark and gave him a warm hearted hug, and started complimenting him. Of course, Haechan thought bitterly, it’s a good question so it’s Mark. But what made him feel even worse was how they commented on the amount of affection between the two. And if Haechan was right (which he always is… maybe), Mark looked proud. Proud of the skinship between Yuta, completely the opposite of how Haechan is treated when he gives affection. The more Haechan thought about it, the more his heart broke. _

_ After the show had finished, he had begged all members to reveal the answers, which everyone did. All except for Jungwoo and Mark. They refused to share, instead choosing to put their heads together and giggle at whatever they were talking about. _

Just then, Mark opened the door and saw Donghyuck crying. He rushed over, wiping the tears from his poor baby’s eyes. He opened his mouth to ask him what was going on but Hyuck beat him to it, “Do you love Jungwoo and Yuta more than me? Do you want to date them instead of your annoying, stupid, useless boyfriend?” Mark stared at Donghyuck’s wide eyes and pouty lips and shook his head furiously.

“No, no baby, of course not! I love you the most okay? What made you think that?” Mark said, frowning at his boyfriend. He looked so weak, so vulnerable.

“I don’t know. You always seem to like them more than me. You always accept their affection, call them cute and all that. I was scared that you would leave me… didn’t you say you miss Jungwoo when you were gone? Why did you not deny Jungwoo’s guess for the question? Isn’t it because you actually want to be with him?” Donghyuck muttered uncertainly.

“No, baby, that’s only because Jungwoo hyung went on his hiatus. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you for anything, I love my baby pudu,” Mark said, kissing Hyuck’s forehead, earning a giggle in return. “You know what? Instead of going out, let’s stay home and watch some movies.”

After getting an okay from his boyfriend, Mark piled all the blankets and pillows he could find in the dorms and they cuddled on the couch. By the second movie, Donghyuck was already asleep, head on Mark’s shoulder, arms wrapped around his waist. He smiled softly at the adorable sight in front of him. He quickly took a picture and closed the movie, moving his boyfriend onto his bed so he can sleep more comfortably. After holding his boyfriend closer to him, he too drifted off.

Mark was later woken up to cameras clicking and whispering.

“Oh my god they’re so adorable!”

“Shut up Johnny, no need to state the obvious!”

“Mark and I look much better when we’re cuddling.”

“Shut up Yuta, you know that’s not true. Stop being salty just because your Winwin isn’t here.”

“Don’t you dare bring Winwinnie into this you little shit. Don’t remind me of how he’s not here with me.”   
“Just be quiet! You’ll wake them up.”

“No need, I’m awake,” Mark groaned, looking over at his hyungs who froze when they found out they were caught. They looked everywhere but Mark, not wanting to be killed by his glare. Mark sighed, looking down at the still asleep Donghyuck. His head was buried into his chest, hair all over his forehead. Mark smiled and held him tighter.

“Whipped.”

“Shut up hyung!” Mark looked down. Never, in a million, would he let go ever again.


	8. Chapter 7

Words shouldn’t be spoken too soon. The next crisis came after Ridin’ promotions. When the Yumarkwoo love triangle formed.

It was Punch promotions, the group was filming Weekly Idol… again. They were going back to the last episode, discussing the questions from 127 Says. Haechan internally groaned. Seriously, he was over the questions and now they’re going back to it?! It seems as if they want Haechan to suffer from jealousy and insecurity.

Somehow, the topic managed to work its way to Jungwoo and Yuta fighting for Mark’s love. Haechan just sat in the middle as he watched everyone argue about who Mark’s love belongs to. “Love is not a crime!” Haechan looked at Doyoung after the words left his mouth. He was confused. The other hyungs knew that Mark is his boyfriend and how he hated it when Yuta flirted with him. Why are they acting this? Why are they promoting this new ship “Yumark” (yes, he went online and did some research)?

The filming ended and Haechan looked at Yuta and Jungwoo who had started up the fight for Mark’s love again. They both swarmed at the other, giving him hugs, kisses and praises. Mark was well… he was enjoying it. At least that’s what Haechan saw. He saw Mark’s panicked smile and how he didn’t try to push the hyungs away. However, what he didn’t see was the pair of arms that were attempting to push away the bodies, covered by the two attackers.

By now, Haechan pretty much gave up on trying to save their relationship. He knew that when he was away for Ridin’ promotions, Mark got closer with Yuta and Jungwoo. They live in the same dorms too so they spent more time together.

He sighed, making his way to the other van with Johnny and Taeil waiting inside and ignoring the confused glances thrown his way. He sat down and sulked, trying to push the image out of his mind. Even though he gave up, part of him still yearned for his boyfriend, wanting to shower him with all his love even if he won’t take it.

Back at the dorms, Johnny walked over to the maknae who was sulking while “reading” a random book upside down. He stifled a laugh and walked up to the younger, taking away the book to reveal a Yumark video playing on his phone. He smiled softly, “You know, if you want to cover yourself, at least hold the book the right side up.” Donghyuck gave him a glare and pout before turning back to his phone. Johnny frowned at Donghyuck’s screen. He never pegged him to be a Yumark shipper, especially when his boyfriend was part of it. “What are you doing? Why are you watching a Yumark video?”

Donghyuck frowned mentally, so Johnny knew about the ship too. “I mean Mark seems closer to Yuta these days so I might as well support him you know? I mean, they are really cute, even I'm starting to ship them.” He said instead, sending his roommate a fake smile, praying that the older would believe him. He internally groaned at Johnny’s skeptical expression and sigh.

“You know that just because he’s hanging out with the others doesn’t mean he actually likes them. Besides, you need to allow him to be around them more too. Even though Mark’s your boyfriend, he’s not obliged to spend every second with you,” Johnny said. He was disappointed in Mark at first, but then he noticed how the other was trying to reach out, but Donghyuck was just shutting him out. He knew that Mark still loved Donghyuck and just wanted to get closer with the others.

“I know, but I just wanted to check out the Yumark tag just to see what the fuss is all about. I’ve seen a lot of comments and I wanted to see what I’m up against-” Donghyuck stopped and gulped. He just said what he was really doing. He wanted to see what’s so great about Yumark and how he compared with his boyfriend.

Johnny just looked at him and shook his head, lost for words. He knew how much Haechan cherished his relationship with Mark but he knew Mark did too. Mark actually came up to him and talked about his concerns with him. He just wanted to get closer with his hyungs because he’s been spending too much time with Haechan. Johnny understood, but he’s conflicted. He knew how Donghyuck could get caught up with his negative thoughts, but sometimes he needs to learn to let Mark have some fun too. He sighs, not knowing what to do anymore, kids and their love problems these days. He left the room, leaving the other deep in thought.

Donghyuck looked at the closed door, lost in his own thoughts. He knew that he was being possessive. Johnny didn’t say it directly, but he could tell that even he was getting annoyed and wanted to tell him to stop being possessive.

Sometimes, Donghyuck wondered if he should just let go. Just get over it and be done with it. He really loved Mark so he felt that his happiness will always be number one. As long as the other is happy, he is happy. He knows that Yuta will make Mark more satisfied than he ever can. But then there’s always that part of him that wants to stay with Mark. That part that wants him to be selfish. That part that wants  _ him _ to be happy.

_ Mark’s happiness is more important than yours, just let go and give up. Yuta and Jungwoo are much better than you anyway. Stop trying to improve yourself just so Mark will like you more because you know that you will never get to the hyungs’ level. It’s no use, you’re no use. Might as well just finally make Mark happy for once huh. _

With those thoughts in mind, he fell asleep, ready for the next day, where he would finally surrender to the fact that he will never have enough love for Mark.


	9. Chapter 8

Somehow, Donghyuck couldn’t find it in himself to let go. He always told himself day after day, that he would end it with Mark but the day never came. Whenever he actually got to be alone with Mark, he would chicken out,the words never coming out. Donghyuck was known to be the moodmaker, making everyone happy with his jokes. Yet here he was, putting his own happiness before Mark’s. Coward.

Punch promotions passed quickly, with Haechan actively enduring Mark’s affection with Yuta. Now Mark was spending time with SuperM, promoting with the others. Donghyuck had always admired Mark for his hard working spirit, and was happy that it paid off when he was finally able to promote with his own idols. But at the same time, he was worried about the older overworking himself, being busier than he was in three units.

Donghyuck was in the upper floor’s dorms (god having two dorms is so tiring) scrolling through SuperM’s new concept photos. He saw Mark’s and smiled. His boyfriend looked gorgeous in that outfit.

Just then, a loud yell broke him from his thoughts. “OH MY GOD! SOMEONE HELP ME! MY BABY IS SO BEAUTIFUL! HELP! I NEED AIR!” Donghyuck stiffened at what Yuta said. My baby? Is that what Yuta calls Mark now? He sighed, and left the dorm quickly so he doesn’t have to hear Yuta’s rants anymore.

After making it to his bed, he whipped out his phone again and typed in the words Yumark. Again. Searching about the ship is now Donghyuck’s routine, constantly reminding himself that Mark isn’t his anymore. He hated how he was selfish, never having the guts to end the relationship, but he knew that if he let go, he wouldn’t be able to continue with his busy life.

Sometimes, he pitied Yuta. He knew that Yuta was heartbroken that Winwin was torn away from them to promote in China. He also knew that the older was happy that his boyfriend was happy with WayV yet devastated that he wasn’t the one bringing him joy. Instead, Yuta focused on doting on the other baby. Mark. He poured all of his unreleased love to the younger. So much that Donghyuck was surprised that Mark wasn’t overwhelmed.

He hated that he wished the older would stop meddling with his relationship with Mark. He knew it was wrong, but over time, he developed a small resentment toward the older since he never knew when to stop. He was conflicted between the choices of confronting the older, or just letting go all together. Obviously, he chose letting go, yet never acting upon it.

~~~

By the time Mark’s SuperM promotions finished, it was announced that Nct would be promoting as a whole, with the addition of 2 new members. Donghyuck was happy, glad that everyone could be together again and above all of that, Mark was now part of Dream again.

While preparing for Resonance pt.1, Mark and Haechan rarely saw each other. Even though they promoted as one group, the group was big. Being in a group with now 23 members made it hard to interact with every single member. Mark stuck to Winwin, Yuta, Lucas, and Jungwoo while Haechan stuck to… well everyone. Besides that, Mark focused on Misfit while Haechan with From Home.

They talked to each other less and less, until it was like they were merely groupmates. They stopped going on dates, never having enough time for each other, even stopped visiting each other’s dorms, preferring to stay in their own room.

It’s not even like Haechan tried to get Mark to spend time together anyway. He still remembers that one day when he ran to Mark’s room, only to find Yuta and Mark spending time together watching a drama, not even noticing the younger who stood outside of the doorway. Quietly, he left and went back to his room.

Not even an hour later, Mark started a voice only vlive. Being the dutiful and supportive boyfriend he is, Donghyuck listens to his boyfriend answer questions from their fans. After a while into the live, Mark was heard whining to his oppa, which was Yuta. “Oppa~ why? Oppa~ why don’t you believe me oppa~?”

Hearing Mark’s whining tore at his heart. Every oppa that came out of Mark’s mouth felt like a knife piercing at his heart. He knew that Mark and Jungwoo called Yuta oppa, but never, in his life, heard his boyfriend use it in such a… provocative way. Mark never whined to him like that. It was always Donghyuck who had to beg for affection.

Ever since that day, Haechan stopped pestering Mark, resorting to watching his boyfriend be affectionate with other members from afar.


	10. Chapter 9

Haechan was excited. They were filming From Home’s MV, their first ballad title track. Not only that, but Mark promised that he would make time to visit them when they were filming. He was ecstatic when he overheard someone talking about Mark being at the filming site.

Spotting Renjun coming over, he walked up to his friend, asking if he saw Mark. Renjun hesitated, nodded but held a conflicting expression. Haechan immediately stood up, ready to go see him. That’s when Renjun’s arm suddenly shot out and grabbed the younger. Haechan looked back, confused as to why the older was preventing him from meeting his boyfriend. “Ummm… I don’t think it’s the best idea to visit right now.”

Haechan frowned. “What do you mean? Of course he would be happy to see me! I’m his boyfriend! He promised he’ll come visit me!” With that, he happily flounced off to find his boyfriend… cuddling with Yuta. That sight flipped his entire day upside down. Every single positive emotion flew out of the window as Haechan bitterly watched the two interact. Wordlessly, he left the two in peace, letting them enjoy their time. It was better that he was oblivious to a longing boyfriend who just wished for some affection anyway.

~~~

Haechan was doing his daily dose of Yumark videos when suddenly the door opened. He didn’t bother to look up since he just expected that it was Johnny who finished his workout.

What he didn’t expect though, was someone breathing down his neck and peering at his phone screen. A familiar scent filled his nose and Haechan immediately whipped his phone out of the other’s view, but it was too late, he already saw what Haechan was watching.

“Why are you scrolling through the Yumark tag on Twitter?” Mark asked, giving Haechan a confused look.

“That’s not important, what are you here for?” Haechan said quickly, dismissing it with a wave. Mark gave him a very skeptical look but nodded.

“I just thought we should spend some time together. Since… you know. We’ve been… busy,” Mark finished uncertainly. Haechan scoffed in his head. Busy? More like busy spending time with other people. But then again, he wasn’t much better was he? But he smiled at the older, motioning him to sit down.

Mark wrapped his hands around Haechan’s waist, but instead of melting into the hug, he stayed where he was, unmoving from the cage that trapped him. Mark glanced at the younger in confusion, but shrugged it off.

The air was filled with tension as both haven’t talked in a while. Mark awkwardly coughed, catching Haechan’s attention before speaking, “Where were you today when I visited the filming site?”

“I was busy,” Haechan spoke stiffly.

“With what? I asked Renjun where you were and he told me you were at the bathroom so I waited for you but you never came. I mean, I know you knew I would be there. Why didn’t I see you?”

Donghyuck shrugged, not wanting to think about how he had run to the bathroom and silently cried to himself. How he had reminded himself that he did not belong to Mark anymore and was just being selfish. How he returned to find Mark still laughing with Yuta and Jungwoo and having the time of his life.

“Donghyuck, answer me. If there’s something going on, tell me,” Mark softly urged, tightening his hold on the younger.

“I saw you and Yuta having fun so I didn’t want to bother your quality time together,” Donghyuck mumbled, realizing how stupid he sounds. Mark sighed and let go of him. Donghyuck looked up at the loss of warmth, only to see Mark frowning at him.

“Are you getting jealous of me and Yuta again?”   
  


“No, I’m really not,” Donghyuck said. He wasn’t. He was way past that point already. He was at the point of surrendering. Surrendering his love to Yuta.

“It doesn’t sound like it. How many times have I told you, I see Yuta as a brother, not anything more than that,” Mark said, growing frustrated each passing second. Donghyuck’s reaction to his and Yuta’s relationship was getting more and more annoying. He kept on acting all depressed because he couldn’t spend every second with him. A worse way of describing his was that Donghyuck was ruining his relationship with his most adored oppa.

“It’s not that, I just thought that you would want to spend time with hyung,” Donghyuck muttered, sad that Mark couldn’t spend time with him instead.

“You know what? You’re acting very possessive right now. I don’t understand. Why do I have to stay with you 24/7 just because you’re my boyfriend? You’re making me feel like you don’t want to be with me! Why do you keep acting like this?” Mark challenged, voice rising, causing Donghyuck to flinch.

_ Just leave me and be with Yuta hyung and Winwin hyung. They’re awkward together right now, but you’ll fix everything. Don’t worry. You three would be so happy together. I’m not being possessive, I’m just telling you to spend time with the one that cares for you more than me. You don’t have to spend time with me 24/7. In fact, you don’t have to spend time with someone you don’t prefer to be with at all. If you want to be with Yuta hyung, then go. I want to be your boyfriend, but you don’t want to be mine. I act like this because only Yuta hyung and Winwin hyung can bring you the happiness that you deserve. You shouldn’t have a boyfriend who is helpless and unwanted. Go with Yuta hyung. I’m acting like this because it’s the best for you. It’s the best for us.  _ Donghyuck just stared back at Mark, not wanting to answer the questions fired at him. If he did, he’ll just hear Mark’s denial, which are just lies that will give him false hope, like what he did before.

Mark huffed at the lack of response and left the room. Donghyuck’s blank gaze followed, never moving from the door that signaled the ending of his relationship.


	11. Chapter 10

The next day wasn’t the day for Haechan. He kept on messing up on anything and everything. First, he left out the clothes that he washed and there was a storm outside, resulting in Johnny yelling at him for ruining his new hoodie he bought. Then, he managed to piss off Doyoung by taking too long in the showers. To try to make it up to Johnny and Doyoung, Haechan tried to make breakfast but managed to burn the eggs while making a mess in the kitchen which means a scolding from the dorm auntie and Taeyong. Following the morning disaster, Haechan headed out with only a t-shirt, forgetting that it was raining and was forced to go out in the rain because he was already late. With his hair dripping wet, he went into the van and got the seats wet with water dyed purple from his newly-colored hair. After dying the seats purple and pissing off the manager, they made their way to the recording studio. Haechan’s voice won’t cooperate and kept on cracking which caused the session to be extended which then led to the whole group being late for practice. The instructor just so happened to be in a bad mood along with the rest of Nct. He gave the group a thirty minute scolding which soured the mood even more. And of course, Haechan’s limbs decided to take a break and stop working so he fell pretty much every five minutes. The instructor got pissed an hour later and ended practice early… but not before another scolding specifically for Haechan. To make it worse, Yuta seemed especially clingy toward Mark and his boyfriend was especially complying.

The ride home was quiet except for Yuta and Mark’s giggling. The hyungs were either catching up on their sleep or just busy sulking/glaring at Donghyuck who was trying to make himself as small as possible. They headed toward their dorms and Donghyuck, despite Taeyong and Doyoung’s frustrated calls, followed Mark to the upper floor. They walked into the spacious dorms and they all settled down in the living room. Donghyuck was scrolling his phone, following up on what he still needed to do. He looked up and that’s when he saw it. Yuta’s lips on Mark and Mark giggling, not pulling away. That was the last straw for him. He snapped.

“Can you stop clinging onto my boyfriend?!” he pushed Yuta off of a shocked Mark. “He’s not your boyfriend, stop clinging onto him! I’m here too you know? Can you at least think about how I feel when I see you all hug Mark and shower him with all your love?” Haechan yelled in anger and frustration. Yuta just stared in shock at the sudden outburst.

“I-I’m sorry, you know I don’t mean it. I just like Mark as a brother,” Yuta said, frowning because he never meant to hurt the younger through his actions.

“Yeah, well then stop acting like you two are a couple! Literally all you do are smooch around together and completely forget about me. You know I’m still here right? I’m still Mark’s boyfriend,” Haechan snapped, making Mark angrier by every second.

“Haechan, stop it, you don’t know what oppa’s going through,” Mark warned.

“What has he been going through huh? He hasn’t had another person cling onto his boyfriend, what does he know? Who gave him permission to cling onto another person who also happens to have a boyfriend? And you hyung,” Haechan continued, turning toward Yuta, “If you miss your boyfriend so much, go find him and cling to him!”

Yuta’s expression of guilt morphed into sadness and anger and that’s when Haechan realized how much he messed up. “Hyu-” Before he could finish, Yuta stormed out of the living room. Mark turned toward him and growled.

“That was so uncalled for! You know that Winwin hyung is a sensitive topic for Yuta oppa but you just  _ had  _ to bring him up and remind him huh! I always knew you would be unreasonable with your teasing but I didn’t know you would go this low!” Mark’s eyes flashed with anger as he scolded Haechan for his words that never came out ever since the summer fight. 

“Well I’m sorry! I wasn’t the one being unloyal and calling someone else  _ oppa _ ! You know what? Your oppa is probably crying in his room right now, why don’t you go check up on your cute and pretty little oppa instead of talking to this piece of shit that’s supposed to be your boyfriend!” Donghyuck yelled sarcastically. By now he was fuming. He was already tired enough. The day was really testing him, but now here’s his boyfriend not giving a fuck about what happened. Instead, he’s yelling about how he’s ruining everything, including his relationship with the other hyungs.

“You know what? Fine. I’m done with… whatever this even is. I want to break up,” Mark’s ice cold voice pulled Donghyuck out of his thoughts. He looked up and met his boyfriend’s eyes void of any emotion.

“Fine.” 

For a moment, there was a flash in Mark’s eyes before it hardened again. Giving a small nod, Mark spoke one last word before leaving the room, “Fine.”

A full minute passed as Donghyuck processed what just happened. The mental shield of determination built out of exhaustion, frustration and dejection crumbled into pieces. He ran back to the lower floor dorms, only to find it empty. The thought of his hyungs abandoning him without telling him added onto his distress. He collapsed onto the couch and sobbed his heart out.

Holding onto a pillow for comfort, Donghyuck cried. He knew that letting go was a good thing and that it would hurt, but why did it feel like his heart had been ripped out of his body? A few hours later, Donghyuck was asleep, tired from all the crying.

The other hyungs had walked into the dorms, concerned as they were informed by the others about the breakup. They entered a seemingly normal dorm, but they got to the couch to find the maknae curled into a ball, clinging onto a pillow like his life depended on it, tear tracks still visible. With the least noise possible, they moved the younger to his room and tucked him into bed. Right after, they left to meet up with the other hyungs, feeling a need to discuss as to what would happen next.

The ones from the upper floor informed the others that Mark was heartbroken, crying his way to Yuta who went to find Winwin after the argument. Both of them comforted the younger, telling him that it was Haechan, he would forgive him.

“We need to do something about this. This is way worse than last time. I don’t want another summer fight. It’s obvious that both of them are regretting their decisions but they’re also really stubborn. I’m guessing that they’re going to avoid each other unless we make them,” Taeyong said, and after that, they started planning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I stop writing? I was watching a video that talked about shipping idol group members and writing fanfics are going overboard and disgusting. I don't want to make the idols feel uncomfortable... Comment down below to tell me if you want me to continue writing stories.


	12. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to continue this stories as well as posting other works. I hope all of you readers understand that my works are all fiction and do not apply to real life. I am just using an idol's character in my story and creating an "alternate universe". (Does that makes sense?) Thank you for all the support you've given me!

They were right. The next day, the two were extremely awkward. It was even worse than 2017. At least they were still able to be in the same room. Now, if one of them saw the other, one of them, usually Mark, would immediately leave. Both of them would cry at the mention of their ex’s name.

Everyone was clueless. Most knew what was going on, but some, like the WayV members, Sungchan and Shotaro weren’t clear about the past events and its impact on the current situation. The other members who did know the full story though, still didn’t know what to do in this situation. That night of planning had taken a downturn when Donghyuck woke up from a nightmare thinking that everyone left him which soon led to a panic attack. Luckily, the hyungs were able to hear his wails and got to his room and calmed him down. 

~~~

Donghyuck had woken up from a nightmare, alone. He frantically looked around, trying to sense the presence of another member. He shook as he remembered what he had just dreamt of.

_ “No! Mark! Don’t break up with me!” Donghyuck yelled after Mark’s figure that was heading toward Yuta. Mark turned around and a smirk danced across his face. _

_ “I’m not breaking up with you. I’m leaving you. For good.” With that, he left with Yuta in his embrace, even kissing him to break his heart. Donghyuck turned around helplessly to look at the other members who stood behind him, witnessing the whole scene. They were either openly laughing, rolling their eyes, or just seeming uninterested in the whole situation. _

_ He leapt toward Taeyong, silently begging him for a hug. The leader drew back, causing Donghyuck to fall toward Ten, who also stepped back. He ended up on the ground as all of the members sneered at him, giving him disgusted looks. His tears came back at lightning speed as he looked around the circle of members, not understanding why they were so mean to him. _

_ “Why are we so mean? It’s because you’re a disgusting faggot,” Jaehyun answered, as if reading his mind. _

_ “Yeah, you’re an attention whore who doesn’t know the concept of personal space,” Winwin yelled, glaring at Donghyuck who was getting scared by the minute. _

_ “I-I’m not…” he trailed off. _

_ “Liar! You’re an attention whore who also happens to be the most annoying person in the world. You spit insults as if they don’t hurt, so now we’re just giving you a taste of your own medicine!” Doyoung shouted. _

_ “Yeah! You’re never quiet. Sometimes, I just want some peace, but your annoyingly high pitched and disgusting voice interrupts my thoughts every single time,” Jungwoo complained. Donghyuck flinched, crawling backwards, trying to hide from the advancing group. _

_ “Your aegyo is disgusting. You always do it, thinking that we think you’re cute, but in reality, you look like a constipated pig who needs to stop whining,” Renjun pretended to vomit at the thought of his aegyo. _

_ “You say you baby me since I’m the maknae, but you only bully me and make fun of me,” Jisung complained. Donghyuck opened his mouth, but Lucas interrupted him. _

_ “I don’t get why Mark even became your boyfriend. Like what does he even see in you? There’s nothing good about you.” _

_ “Exactly, like you’re not even good looking. You’re fat, you don’t have abs, your skin is too dark, and your face is too ugly to look at.” Donghyuck looked down at his stomach that was protruding out of his tight clothes, Jeno’s comment making him realize how ugly he actually is. _

_ “You play games until early in the morning, not even caring about my feelings. I don’t even know why I became your roommate in the first place,” Johnny snarled. The group all stepped toward him, eyes somehow shining red. _

_ Donghyuck finally found the strength in his legs and got up, running into the darkness, only to come face to face with his family. He barely even breathed before his family all turned away. Without a word, they left him, alone in the dark. The newly found strength died as quickly as it came, and Donghyuck collapsed onto the cold hard ground and he allowed the blackness to consume him. _

~~~

Donghyuck’s breathing quickened when he realized he was alone, a sob tore in throat. He screamed as he begged for his hyungs to come back. His voice gave up on him once started hyperventilating.

A warm hand touched his shoulder and he yelped. Looking up, he saw Johnny’s concerned expression, along with all of the other 127 members’ faces. He struggled, twisting in the grip, feeling disgusting after all of those insults fired at him.

“Come on, breathe Hyuckie. Breathe. Follow me. One, two, one two Good job,” Johnny kept his grip on the younger tight, coaching him until his breathing evened.

“Why are you guys caring about me? I’m just a disgusting faggot who is a waste of space,” Donghyuck sniffled as he was reminded the members of how “disgusting” he is. Everyone immediately became shocked at his words. Donghyuck was known as the most confident member of the group, but it also makes sense that he would feel this way considering recent events. They all hugged him and settled down on his tiny bed, murmuring comforting words and promising that he is in no way worthless.

They ended up sending him to the Dreamies’ dorms and letting him stay there for how long it takes him to recover. It was understandable considering how close the Dreamies were.

Mark, on the other hand, had cried himself to sleep and had a nightmare that Donghyuck got hurt and he wasn’t able to protect him from getting harmed. After calling his oppa, Yuta and Winwin stayed with him just in case he had another nightmare. They knew that Mark was in the wrong, but they also couldn’t help but feel bad for him. After all, he did lose his boyfriend and didn’t deserve this unnecessary pain… right?


	13. Chapter 12

“Hyuckie!” The Dreamies had rushed to the shaking boy when he showed up at their doorstep early in the morning. They weren’t bothered thought, especially when they were being regular kids and playing games when they were supposed to be sleeping.

When Taeyong and Doyoung explained to them the situation, they understood and felt bad for the younger. Though they missed the older, they knew that Mark wasn’t being the best boyfriend. They noticed it early on, considering that they were cautious ever since the summer fight. They tried to warn Donghyuck before it got out of hand, but Donghyuck being in denial, dismissed the warnings.

They embraced the younger, forming a large puppy pile. Donghyuck melted into the welcoming arms of his friends. Renjun and Jaemin hugged his arm while he sat in Jeno’s lap. Chenle sat on the ground, laying his head against Donghyuck’s leg while Jisung sat on the couch and just stared, feeling for his hyung but not knowing what to do.

“Shhhh, it’s fine Hyuckie. Take a break from all of this and spend time with us, you know how much we miss you,” Renjun shushed.

“Yeah hyung, we miss you and we want to spend more time with you! Promotions for Resonance part one is about to end and we filmed everything for part two. We can ask the managers for a week off and we can spend it together just watching movies and hang out. We haven’t done it in ages!” Chenle said enthusiastically. The rest of the Dreamies nodded along and Donghyuck smiled, excited for what was coming.

Of course, the manager was against the idea, but then the Jaemin’s aegyo managed to persuade him. They spent the first few days just marathoning movies and staying holed up in their dorm conducting countless cuddling sessions.

It was only later when they realized that they should actually do something before their precious break ends. They ended up bringing Haechan to the mall going to the laser tag facility, betting on who would win. Whoever won would get to buy anything without paying. Obviously, everyone lost on purpose so that Haechan would win, buying him everything he wanted for the day. The next day, they decided to go to a fancy restaurant, wanting to treat themselves. But then, they got too rody and were kicked out, not that any of them were surprised.

Finally, the Dreamies planned a surprise for Donghyuck. When Donghyuck opened his eyes, he was surprised by the significantly loud noises coming from the living room. “Guys?” He walked into the living room, only to find his family standing there along with the Dreamies who were smiling broadly.

“Eomma! Appa!” He yelled, launching himself toward his parents, engulfing them in a giant hug. His siblings also joined the hug and they stayed like that for a while. Soon, Donghyuck had tears in his eyes and they all smiled brightly, happy to finally reunite together.

They ended up spending the rest of the day roaming around the streets of Seoul, then making a visit to his 127 dorm.

“So, son, how are you with Mark? I noticed that he’s been awfully close to that Yuta recently,” Donghyuck’s dad asked his son. Donghyuck gulped. His family knew that he was dating Mark, and was all supportive, but if they knew that they broke up, they would kill Mark, which Donghyuck did not want to happen.

“We’re- we’re fine. Yuta and Mark are just brothers,” Donghyuck’s heart clenched at those words. If only that was true.

  
“I trust you know your relationship more than us, just don’t break your own heart okay?”  _ That’s too late _ , he thought, but just nodded dumbly, giving his parents one last hug before letting them leave him. He sat on his bed for a while, clearing up his thoughts, finally realizing what lie he had told his parents. Heading back to the Dreamies, he laughed along with their jokes, played around, but the person that he had managed to forget about for the past few days stuck in his mind. Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Markhyuck or single hyuck?


	14. Chapter 13

Mark. While Haechan was busy playing with the Dreamies and spending time with them, Mark was busy grieving over his lost relationship. Unlike Haechan, the first few days was spent either by getting scolded by the hyungs (Johnny, Taeyong, Doyoung, Jaehyun), getting comforted by the hyungs (Yuta, Jungwoo, Taeil,Winwin), or just crying and thinking about his ex boyfriend.

He hated himself. He was so wrapped up in Yuta and Winwin’s dilemma that he forgot about his boyfriend… again. Right after he saved his relationship, he slipped. Again.

Yuta and Winwin were complicated. Before they were separated, they were inseparable. They loved each other to the bone. But then, SM split them apart. Winwin went to WayV and Yuta stayed in 127. SM cut off almost all ways of contact, only allowing one phone call per month.

Yuta resorted to monitoring his boyfriend through screens. He had noticed that Winwin was happier. Much happier than the time he was with the 127 members. He was happy. He was happy that his boyfriend was finding happiness and that he was finally free. But then he was upset. Upset that he couldn’t make Winwin happy like that.

When Winwin came back, Yuta felt… different. Separated. Isolated. He sat with Winwin during practice along with the WayV members but he felt like an outlier. Of course, he loved the Chinese members, but it was hard to keep up with their inside jokes. He was never able to laugh along with their Chinese joke and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He was lost. He couldn’t keep up. He tried. He tried so hard to stay on track with his boyfriend, but the amount of time spent with him was far from the amount of time lost. So, Yuta went and looked for Mark. He was his favorite dongsaeng. He never showed it, but recently, he’s been more public about it. He clung to him more, talked to him more, babied him more.

It’s not like he hasn’t thought about Mark’s boyfriend though. He knew how vulnerable Haechan was, and how much he was affected by the Summer Fight. But he was careful too. He thought it was established that his relationship with Mark, that he was already boyfriends with Winwin. Obviously, the message wasn’t clear enough. The older was guilty, given that he hurt his own younger brother. But the guilt definitely can’t surpass Mark’s.

Mark was completely a different story. He was broken. He cried himself to sleep. He was so exhausted that he couldn’t get out of bed. He missed his boyfriend. He couldn’t believe he was so stupid. If it happened once, it could happen again, and that was exactly what happened. He himself couldn’t believe that he didn’t pay attention to his boyfriend. He’s not going to lie and make up excuses. He prioritized Yuta’s relationship dilemma and ignored his only relationship. He remained ignorant to the signs of his deteriorating relationship. So why did Mark put Yuta in front of Donghyuck? Mark himself doesn’t know.

What he does have, is a theory. Or to make it sound worse, an excuse. Mark loves caring for those beside him. But, he’s so busy caring for the problems of his friends that he forgets to care for those closest to him, his loved ones. He trusts that the people he holds the most dearest would never leave him, that it would always be them against the world. He would spend less time caring for him, believing they all knew that in the end, he would always love them. With Donghyuck, he had faith that the bond they shared was too strong to snap when clearly, misunderstandings happened just a month ago. Those who you hold dearest are understanding, but they need to be cherished too. And Mark failed to recognize that.

He ended up beating himself in bed everyday, even slapping himself in the face, until Yuta stopped him. The older managed to sit him down and talk some sense into him, saying that it’s better that he go find Donghyuck to fix things sooner before it was too late.

But it might’ve been too late. Mark went to the Dream dorm to find the younger, to ask for forgiveness, only to find an empty dorm. Only then, did he hear that the Dreamies had taken Donghyuck out to clear his mind… from him.

He ended up sulking in his bed the next day, contacting his brother to ask him advice on what to do. His brother gave him a scolding before comforting him. Mark listened to his words carefully and took notes. He knew that he couldn’t mess up again. Not like last time. Not ever. He’s going to make this promise. And keep it.

That night he went to bed with one person on his mind. Donghyuck.


	15. Chapter 14

Resonance Part 1 went by without a problem. It was just another Awsaz episode. Just longer. And with 23 people. Everyone chatted with each other, catching up or getting to know one another. Some people socialized better than others. Haechan and Mark were one of them.

Mark got closer with… well everyone in general. Everyone loved him, babied him, so along with his social skills, Mark became friends with everyone. He loved every one of them equally, and made sure that he didn’t make it seem like he loved one of them. Even if he wasn’t with Donghyuck anymore, he wanted to prove to him that he is absolutely fully capable. Capable of staying loyal.

Donghyuck was… different. He had favorites. He had a lot of favorites. Renjun, Jeno, Johnny, Jaehyun, and Doyoung were a given, considering how close they were ever since the beginning. But recently, Donghyuck renewed his friendships and gained even more. Most came from the 90s Love unit.

Yangyang and the 99 liners. Donghyuck and Lucas were always friends, but they were finally able to spend time together. Then, adding on with the new WayV members. Donghyuck and Hendery had similar social skills, being able to talk comfortably with each other. Xiaojun, although seemingly cold and unreachable, was also a crackhead. Finally, there was Yangyang. Donghyuck and Yangyang immediately clicked. There was just something they shared between them. Chemistry. Both had similar personalities, similar hobbies. The fact that they were the same age only strengthened the bond even more.

Ten. He was probably Donghyuck’s favorite hyung. Maybe. Other than Johnny. Johnny was his dad, Ten was his mom. Even though Ten pretended that he hated the younger, he adored him. He babied him 24/7 and was his favorite dongsaeng along with Yangyang.

Finally, there was Winwin. Well, it’s complicated. Donghyuck, like all other members adored Winwin. But before WayV happened, Winwin was… unreachable. Mark would baby him all the time, leaving Donghyuck alone. Donghyuck wanted to spend more time with the older but never got the chance to. Now that there were no more boundaries, Donghyuck started babying Winwin more and more.

But inside, Donghyuck knew that Winwin’s cuteness wasn’t the only reason he babied him. He wanted to prove to Mark that even the people who he loves are capable of liking him too. He wanted to prove that he was just as good as Winwin, that he is likeable.

By the time it got to Part 2, things got a bit more complicated. Things between Mark and Hyuck were still awkward. Being in a group with 21 other people made it really easy to avoid certain people. Taeyong, being the responsible leader, knew that something had to be done. So, he thought of the best idea ever. He locked the ex couple into a practice room.

“HEY! HYUNG! LET US OUT!”

“NO! I AIN’T LETTING YOU TWO OUT UNTIL YOU GUYS MAKE UP!”

“Just don’t bother hyung, Taeyong hyung won’t let us out. You’ll just hurt your voice from yelling too much,” Haechan muttered the last part, not aware that the older heard him.

The two sat down, face to face, but eyes never meeting each other. Unsurprisingly, Mark initiated the conversation. “Hyuckie… we need to work something out.”

Donghyuck’s heart wrenched at the nickname. It’s been so long since he heard Mark call him that. It’s always been baby, sunshine, or any other pet name. The new name felt… strange.

“Hyuck? What do you suggest?”

Donghyuck panicked. There was hole in his heart that needed something- someone to fill up. That someone was Mark. He missed the hugs and kisses and the movie nights. Sure, spending time with the other members was great but being with Mark was… different. He really wanted the older to be back by his side.

But then, the Dreamies had persuaded him to give them some time and space. And that’s what he wanted. He really wanted to stop stressing over his relationship and unnecessary worries. He was so done with the insecurities that swallowed him up. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to restart yet. If he was given that chance anyway.

“Well, uh I think it’s better if we stay friends. I mean, we’re not together anymore so… you know. Just so nothing’s awkward. I mean, we can just be friends like before.”

“Yeah.” Donghyuck choked out. He couldn’t really say anything without his voice breaking. Besides, he knew that this was for the best for them. For everyone.

“Friends?”

Both boys looked at each other, hiding their pain behind small, bittersweet smiles.

“Friends.”


	16. Chapter 15

Friends. It was fine to be  _ just friends _ you know.  _ Fine _ . That’s what Mark’s been trying to tell him for the past month. That’s what he’s trying to tell him right now when  _ Sungchan is freaking holding Donghyuck’s hand.  _ Looking up, Mark subtly (well he tried to be subtle) rolled his eyes. He’s okay. He really is.

He’s okay with watching Donghyuck be close with Yangyang and the 99 Liners. He’s okay with him being unusually close with Jeno, Winwin, and Ten. And he’s  _ totally _ okay with Donghyuck being all couple-like with Sungchan. And he’s even more okay with the fans shipping this new  _ 2Chan _ thing.

Jealousy is something that Mark rarely feels, yet he feels it for the most useless things. He was jealous that time when Johnny spent a whole day with his boyfriend holed up in their room. He was jealous when Jaehyun let the younger sit in his lap. He was jealous when Donghyuck had cuddled up to Taeil on that bed in New York. He was jealous that time Renjun exchanged sweet words with Donghyuck. But nothing compared with Mark’s jealousy when it comes to Sungchan. And when he says that, he’s serious.

He knew Sungchan was new, and that he should be inviting. He was. He helped the younger out with his raps and gave him advice whenever possible, but that didn’t prevent him from feeling an undeserving hatred directed toward him. He hated how Sungchan would always go to Donghyuck. Whether it was asking for help, fooling around, or clinging onto him, Mark hated it. He hated it with his life.

This new ship… 2Chan. Mark has to say, he’s not fond of it. Well, he knows that ships are a thing, but markhyuck has always dominated. Johnhyuck, Taehyuck, heck even Renhyuck never beat the popularity, but now there’s 2Chan. This new pairing flew up so quickly, Mark didn’t have time to process what was happening before Twitter was filled with 2Chan moments. 

He knew that he wasn’t supposed to feel this but he was well, possessive. Obviously he had no right in feeling this. After all, he was the one who had this proposal right? Well, he wasn’t happy with it but Donghyuck seemed to like the decision and he’ll do anything to make him happy. But he wanted to do nothing more than to rip those hands off of his boyfrie- ex boyfriend.

Watching the intimate interactions between Haechan and the other members really bothered him. It made him realize how much he’s been missing. How he didn’t see his boyfriend be so free in such a long time. He doesn’t remember Donghyuck smiling a genuine smile at him ever since he started, well he likes to say ever since he got friendlier with other people.

The pit inside him grew day by day, his frustration and sadness eating him up. So close yet so far. That was the perfect expression to describe Mark and his longing for his boyfriend. He’s always there, laughing and smiling, but then Mark would never be satisfied with the relationship he shares with Donghyuck.

He wanted to find the hyungs for comfort, but he didn’t want to betray the still freshly built trust between him and his… best friend? He wanted to turn to Yuta, to hug him and cuddle with him, but he couldn’t. He told himself that he wouldn’t hurt Donghyuck again. He won’t go to Yuta, even if the younger wasn’t there to witness it.

Mark glanced back at Sungchan, Yangyang and Jeno. The younger members were crowded together, laughing at something on Ten’s phone. Jeno had his head on Donghyuck’s shoulder and Sungchan’s hand laid in his lap. Mark gritted his teeth at the sight, but it quickly turned into a bitter smile. At least he was happy. He was way happier than Mark could ever make him.

“Hey, Mark, how’s it going for you?” Mark turned and saw Winwin’s concerned expression.

“It’s fine… just, you know… missing Donghyuck,” Mark’s voice almost cracked. Winwin smiled and patted his shoulder. After understanding the situation, Yuta decided to distance himself from the younger and instead got information from Winwin. Their relationship was preserved and they thought it was best to make sure that Mark wasn’t falling down the hole called self-pity.

“Mark, you’ll be fine. Just give him some space. Once he warms up, court him again, like the way you did years ago. Then most importantly, stay loyal. Don’t make things seem like you are messing around. Communicate with him. Tell him that you love him and mean it. Most importantly, spend time with him.”

“I know, but don’t you think it’s too late? Don’t you think Hyuck hates me now? I’m not like you. No one would hate you, but I’m different. What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore? W-What if he wants to be with Sungchan?” Mark’s lips trembled and started tearing up. Winwin hugged him and whispered comforting words.

“You, my friend, are Mark Lee. And let’s be honest, the only person you want love from is Haechan. Haechannie can’t hold grudges against you. You’re his weakness. He loves you. He might not forgive you right now, but give it time. He’ll come around.” Mark nodded, and hugged the older and smiled. Pinching his ears, he leaned on Winwin’s shoulder.

Stealing another glance at Donghyuck, he noticed that the younger had been staring at him. He quickly averted his gaze, but Mark noticed the sad smile on his face after he looked up. His eyes were… glazed. Mark smiled softly. Haechan’s not over him, and he’s not over him either.


	17. Chapter 16

“Hyuckieeeee,” Mark whined, leaping toward the younger after a grueling day of practice. Donghyuck looked over, surprised at first, but calmed down. Mark latched himself onto his arm, taking the responsibility of laying down on his lap.

“Mark? What are you doing? What’s up with you recently?” Mark locked eyes with Donghyuck and smiled innocently.

“What do you mean? We’re best friends right? We always did this,” Mark said. After Mark did some more thinking, he rewired his brain.

Instead of wallowing in self pity, he decided that he had to do something that would make Donghyuck come back to him. The answer to him was quite simple. He had to act like he was a couple with him again, just different. This time, the tables turned. Mark clung onto the Donghyuck like the younger had done, maybe even more. He talked to him more, even did aegyo just to see a smile. Mark continued like this for a week, satisfied with the reactions he got.

Donghyuck still blushed and got flustered with all the affection just like he did when they were younger. Of course, he still tried to reject the hugs he got, turning away when Mark pouted. But every shy smile that Mark caught only boosted his confidence even more.

“Y-yeah,” Donghyuck turned away and cleared his throat. Mark closed his eyes and breathed deeply, making the illusion that he was asleep. That’s when he felt a soft hand running through his hair and rubbing over his scalp.

“Why are you making things so hard for me?” Donghyuck’s whisper reached Mark’s ears. His breath hitched, but quickly evened out his breathing.

“I’m supposed to be avoiding you, to hate you for hurting me. Why are you doing this to me? I managed to forget about the past a week ago, but now you’re here, and I can’t take my eyes off of you. I’m not supposed to like your cuddles and hugs, but every time your arms embrace me I feel so warm. I feel like I’m home. I shouldn’t like your aegyo but your puppy eyes just make me go soft. Why can’t I forget about you? Why can’t I forget about our relationship? Why do I still love you?” Mark felt water dripping onto his face. He felt hot tears rolling down his face. His heart tore apart, and he felt tears falling out of his own eyes.

“M-Mark?” Donghyuck asked. Mark’s breath hitched, and he slowly got out of his lap. His eyes met Donghyuck’s teary ones.

“I-I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to hear that. I-I’m so sorry,” Mark said.

“I-It’s fine, b-but, you heard everything now…” Donghyuck trailed off. Tears gathered up as he prepared himself for the older’s rejection.

“Hyuckie look at me,” Mark cupped his cheeks, the younger was caught off guard, but tears still streamed down his cheeks. “I know about your feelings, but I want to let you know something. My feelings never went away. I-I still love you. Please, Hyuck give me another chance.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened at the confession, brain trying to process the words that just came out of Mark’s mouth. “B-But….”

“I know I don’t deserve forgiveness, but I thought about it. I know what I did wrong. I promise that I will stay loyal. I won’t mess with anyone, hell I won’t even hug any of the hyungs if you want. Anything to convince you that I am loyal,” Mark clasped his hands together. Donghyuck looked at him and Mark wanted to cry. The younger’s orbs were filled with uncertainty, distrust, but what overpowered them was yearning.

“I-I don’t know. I-I mean you heard me. I-I’m not ready. Just give me time,” Donghyuck said. Mark's shoulders dropped, but he quickly regained his posture.

“Fine, but please, allow me to baby you. Let me spoil you. I want you to feel your worth. You deserve the world. Just let me court you like I did years ago.”

“Fine, but I’m not done. I need an explanation. Right here. Right now.” Donghyuck looked at him and Mark felt a lump forming in his throat.


	18. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wrote this story in two halves, having restarted the story after some time of "completing" the work. I noticed that the new chapter wasn't really compatible with the first half of the story, so I changed up the story line. If there's something that doesn't seem right, feel free to point it out!

“Well?” Mark looked up at Donghyuck’s expectant gaze. The past ten minutes had gone by with silence, the only sound being the quiet breathing of the people who occupied the room.

“Ummm… this might take a while so bear with me,” Donghyuck just shrugged and nodded. He didn’t want to wait anymore. He just wanted an explanation.

“So… I mean I know that I don’t have an excuse but… I’ll explain my side of the story. So you know how I care for those around me? I’m scared of losing them so I do whatever I can to make sure they’re comfortable and happy. But then, the ones that I love and cherish… I forget about them. I forget that they need my caring more than everyone else. I take them for granted. I took  _ you _ for granted. Yuta hyung, well he lost Winwin hyung and I didn’t want him to feel like he’d lose anyone else. I prioritized him more because I wanted to be there for him. I wanted him to feel special, to feel like he wasn’t alone. But then, I only made you feel more alone. I-I’m sorry,” Mark finished off. Donghyuck let out a hum, but he wasn’t finished yet.

“And Jungwoo hyung? I mean, I get that you want to comfort Yuta hyung but what about Jungwoo hyung?” Mark’s eyes widened. Jungwoo. Him too? He thought that Donghyuck was only jealous of Yuta. Well, obviously he knew Donghyuck was hurt to some extent… but it was this serious?

“Well… Jungwoo hyung is just Jungwoo hyung. I found him cute, and he’s flirty as you know. He’s everyone’s pet and I just really liked to baby him. I don’t really have an excuse for this but, I’ll change for you. Please! I’ll move out of the dorms for you. Please!” Mark said, glancing at Donghyuck. The younger was looking at him with distrust, because they both knew on the inside that Mark was lying.

“Mark, but you know how much I hated it whenever you were all cuddly with Jungwoo hyung. Hell we even almost broke up because of it. I fell back into my hole of insecurities because of Kick It promotions. You know fully well that I didn’t like your interactions with him, and you know I’m right. Now, I’m going to say my side of my story, and don’t you dare interrupt me,” Donghyuck said.

“I know I'm usually a weak person, and that I’m always soft, but this time, I have to point out the truth. The Dreamies and other members made me realize that I wasn’t treated fairly. I never made a fuss because I was scared that you would explode on me, accusing me like you did before. To make it sound bad, you took advantage of me and you’re hiding from all the things that you’ve done. When you were with Winwin hyung, I didn’t say anything, but when you started getting close with Jungwoo hyung, I didn’t want to stand by and let it happen. At first, I gave you subtle hints, but you disregarded all of them, pretending like I didn’t matter to you,” Donghyuck continued on when he was met with silence.

“In fact, that’s what I actually thought when you clung onto Yuta. You kept on getting closer to more and more of the hyungs and I couldn’t hold it anymore. I self esteem fell down again and you actually managed to catch it. For once, you cared for me and acted like  _ my _ boyfriend. I thought that you finally got your act together, that maybe Johnny hyung spoke to you or something like that. I thought that you were finally going to come back to my side as my boyfriend, but then…” Donghyuck choked up, but calmed down quickly. He still had so much to say.

“Yuta hyung got closer and closer to you, and you just let it happen. I get that he needed comfort but did you ever think of me? Did you ever think that I needed comfort? Your relationship with Jungwoo hyung just hurts me more. You don’t even have an excuse for this case. You just found him cute. If you find him so cute then what am I? Am I not cute? Am I good enough? I don’t even know when the last time you praised me was Mark. Sometimes I forgot that we were boyfriends. Do you know how messed up that is? Do you want to know why I even forget? Because I gave up Mark. I was on the brink of giving up on our relationship. I was waiting for you to end all of this. But what hurt me more was that you never did. If you left me for Jungwoo, I would just move on, but no. I still had the title of your boyfriend when you were clearly more friendly with the other hyungs. You gave false hope and I clung onto it. Now, you’re here, explaining yourself. But your explanation just made me realize something. You’re still hiding. You’re still finding excuses. You still can man up and own up to your mistakes. You still can’t admit that you were an asshole to me Mark. You say that you were bad on your tongue, but you still spit out excuses which to me are just more lies. I was your boyfriend and I sometimes know you better than you know yourself. Mark, you fell out of love didn’t you? Even if you didn’t notice. You developed feelings for Jungwoo hyung and Yuta hyung. You got so used to my presence that you got bored and went to find new ways to satisfy you. You might not know but I saw the look in your eyes. It wasn’t love but it was something special, like you wanted to cherish them forever. It makes the most sense Mark. But when we broke up, your original source of comfort left you and you were suddenly lost. I’m sorry Mark, but from what I saw you, you were selfish. You lost me and now want me back, showing that you actually do care for me. I want to accept you again. But, I can’t be certain that you’ll stay loyal. Your feelings for Yuta hyung and Jungwoo hyung may be forgotten at the moment, but how will I know if they’re going to come back? If I get back with you, what if your feelings come back again? You’ll just leave me broken again and we’ll just all go back to zero again. I can’t risk getting hurt again Mark. I can’t.” By the time Donghyuck finished, Mark was already crying ugly.

He didn’t agree that he caught feelings for Yuta and Jungwoo. That was just weird! But deep down, it was his pride getting in the way. Like Donghyuck said, he may not realize it now, but it will make sense. But either way, this doesn’t cover the fact that Mark’s been a selfish asshole. It didn’t cover the fact that Mark stopped caring for those who needed it.

Donghyuck needed care the most. He needed reassurance more than anyone. He was the least confident, forever scared that he was going to be alone. What’s worse was that Mark made it happen. More than once. If he was made of glass, that summer of 2017 had already broken him into pieces. The hasty make up between that had glued him back. But the pieces didn’t fit together well, and it was only a matter of time until it fell back apart. This fight only smashed Donghyuck into tiny pieces. The only way to repair the glass shards was to melt it and shape it back together.

The fact that he messed up so much that he had to completely rebuild Donghyuck’s trust broke Mark’s heart. The times that they understood each other no matter the situation. Big or small, they just knew each other. But now here’s Mark, completely disregarding Donghyuck’s biggest fear, when he’s supposed to be the one there whenever he needs him. He even made a promise on camera, yet he’s breaking his word. To Mark, the bond he shared with his boyfriend rotted away all because of his ignorance.

“I’m sorry…” Mark whispered.

“I’m sorry too Mark. But because I can’t forgive you. Not now at least. You just caused me so much pain that I can’t forget. This just made me realize that I have to prioritize myself first, that I need to remember how to self care. Getting back with you will just get in the way. I don’t want you to stay completely away from me though. As much as I hate to admit it, you bring me joy, not seeing you will make me anxious,” Donghyuck chuckled bitterly at the confession, “but I don’t want to get that much closer yet. As weird as this sounds, but that rant just made me realize the truth. I mean, I understood the truth, but I never actually believed it. I just want you by my side, to care for me. I want to feel valued by you for once. You need to prove to me that you have the ability to stay loyal. I don’t know how you’ll do that, but you can figure it out yourself. Also finally, you can’t ask the hyungs for help. I know it seems cruel, but I want to know that you have the ability to do this by yourself. It might not be easy to earn my trust back, but if you don’t give up, I’m sure I’ll come around,” With that, Donghyuck left Mark on the couch, looking at the door in wonder. The younger seemed unusually serious, even a little cold. But what stuck with Mark wasn’t how cold he was.

Instead, all he saw in Donghyuck was maturity. The realization crashed on him. Donghyuck wasn’t the young and innocent child anymore. He grew up. And somehow, Donghyuck managed to grow more without Mark noticing.


	19. Chapter 18

It was safe to say that Donghyuck was pretty… lenient. He lets Mark do whatever he wants. If Mark wants to hold his hand, fine. Mark wants to buy him food, fine. Mark wants to buy him clothes, fine. If Mark wants to cuddle, fine. Yet, these actions were never reciprocated.

Donghyuck was being unusually stubborn, making sure he didn’t wrap his arm around the older when they were on the couch. He made sure that he didn’t buy matching phone cases for Mark. He even made sure that he didn’t eat with Mark unless the older invited him to.

To be honest, Mark isn’t surprised. He just isn’t used to it. He knew that Donghyuck can do anything as long as he sets his mind. It was something that he really admires about the younger, it’s just frustrating that this was the reason why Donghyuck’s wall hasn’t come down yet.

After the talk, both of them had come to their own realizations. Donghyuck, that Mark didn’t deserve him yet and Mark, that he needed to relearn to value Donghyuck.

~~~

“Hyuckie~” Mark threw himself onto Donghyuck after finally reaching home. Mark’s clinginess was now a common occurrence in the dorms. At first, everyone was surprised at Mark’s unusual amount of skinship, but now, they just enjoyed the fact that Donghyuck was getting the love he deserved.

“Are your pains back again?” Mark frowned when he noticed Donghyuck wincing and rubbing his lower back. The other just looked at him and smiled sheepishly. Mark sighed and motioned for him to lie down. Donghyuck nodded and complied. Wordlessly, Mark started massaging Donghyuck’s sore spots, knowing the location of every knot after helping the younger with his back and neck pains for so long. Donghyuck groaned at the pressure on his back and relaxed into the couch.

“When did your pains come back? Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark asked. Donghyuck paused and turned his head so that he made eye contact with the older. Mark gulped, having a bad feeling that he didn’t really want to know the answer.

“My pains came back during Punch promotions, never told you cuz you weren’t around to hear my complaints.”

“Well, next time tell me. You know that I’ll always be there to help you,” Mark said, receiving a nod.

Ten minutes later, they migrated over to Donghyuck’s bed. Mark hugged Donghyuck close to him, tucking the younger’s head under his chin, the way they used to. Mark felt Donghyuck relax, smiling when the younger snuggled into his chest.

~~~

The next morning, Donghyuck woke up to a chest smushed against his face. He looked up to see Mark smiling at him with a whipped expression. His eyes lowered down, until he saw that his arm was wrapped around the other's waist. He quickly retracted his arm and coughed. “We only cuddled because I was too tired to function okay?”

Mark’s smile dropped a little but still remained on his face. Shrugging, he leaned forward. Donghyuck’s morning reflexes aren’t quick so he didn’t move away before a kiss was placed on his forehead. Then another was placed on his right cheek. Then on his left cheek. Soon, Mark was pecking Donghyuck’s entire face.

“Stop it,” He whined, pushing Mark away. He shoved his face into his pillow to hide his blush, when he realized that he wasn’t hiding his face with his pillow. It was Mark.

“Then why are you blushing, huh?” Mark smirked. That’s when Donghyuck’s face finally cooled down and he started smacking Mark’s shoulder. “Ow, ow, ow, okay I’m sorry! I got carried away okay? You’re just too cute.” Donghyuck rolled his eyes and just got out of bed to get ready.

~~~   
  


“Okay, good job everyone, you can all go now,” The 127 members all headed back to their dorms after practicing for Loveholic, their new Japanese album.

“Hyuckie, let’s order chicken,” Donghyuck nodded, closing his game and settled next to Mark on his game. Wrapping an arm around the younger, they watched the show that was playing on Mark’s phone.

A while later, Mark’s phone buzzed. Thinking that it was the food, Donghyuck got up and went to open the door. But when he opened the door, he was met with a stranger. Before he could speak, she barged into the dorm running into Taeyong’s empty room.

“HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Donghyuck yelled, grabbing onto the sasaeng’s arm, preventing her from damaging anything in the room. Mark, hearing the commotion, ran into the room too, only to see a random girl trying to fight Donghyuck who was holding her arms.

The girl bit the vocalist’s arm, causing him to let go of her. She took out a bag and reached for Taeyong’s febreeze, but before she got to it, Mark held her hands together behind her. She thrashed around, but Mark was too strong for her. He looked over, meeting eyes with Donghyuck, nodding.

The younger got the message and ran out only to return with a belt in his hand. They tied the belt around the still struggling sasaeng. Soon, they called the police and they took her away.

They shared a glance at each other and sighed. Sasaengs were a pain to deal with. They both sat onto the couch and leaned into each other’s warmth and waited for their chicken to arrive.


	20. Chapter 19

After the chicken arrived, they sat down on Donghyuck’s bed, enjoying the chicken in silence. Donghyuck finished first, licking his fingers and then proceeding to wipe them on his pants. Mark wrinkled his nose in disgust.

“You know that Taeyong hyung won’t approve of that right?” Mark asked, raising his eyebrows. Donghyuck rolled his eyes.

“Are you sure it’s not you who cares more?”

“I mean, you wash hands for a reason. Besides, paper and wet wipes are a thing too you know.”

“Whatever. Taeyong hyung isn’t here anyway…” Donghyuck trailed off sadly. Taeyong had left the dorms and went back home to recover from his back injury.

Both boys missed the leader dearly, as he was the one who always took care of them. But, they both knew deep down that this was going to happen sooner or later. Taeyong had always been struggling with the back pains that came after his injury, his job as an idol just increases the chance of a relapse. The fact that SM overworked him just sped up the process. Nevertheless, everyone misses him. Messaging him, calling him, sending him care packages.

On the bright side, Mark and Donghyuck had been taking this as an opportunity to get Doyoung to finally confess. The older loves Taeyong and his absence hit him the hardest. The pair had been pushing him to realize his feelings and get together.

~~~

“Hyung~ I’m tired~” Donghyuck whispered to Mark. Loveholic promotions finally arrived, and they were doing a special vlive with Yuta as the MC. Their interview finished and they settled on the couch.

Leaning toward Mark’s warmth, he tried to keep his eyes open. Mark nudged him with his shoulder to keep him awake. “Just hold on for a while Sunshine, just one more hour,” He murmured. Donghyuck yawned, disregarding the pet name that was used.

Getting home, they sat on Donghyuck’s bed to watch  _ The Kissing Booth _ . Mark wrapped his arm around Donghyuck and patted his shoulder, soothing Donghyuck to sleep. The younger leaned his head onto Mark’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Go on a date with me?” Donghyuck’s eyes sprung open and sat up, staring at Mark with wide eyes. Donghyuck choked when he realized that the older wasn’t joking.

“W-What did you say?”

“I said, go on a date with me. I’ve been thinking about it and thought it was about time. I miss going on dates with you and spending time outside together. What do you think?”

Donghyuck looked hard into Mark’s eyes but could see nothing but sincerity. “Hyung…” 

“Y-You don’t have to agree though. I understand if you need more time,” Mark bit his lip, eyes shifting from side to side.

“Hyung, I miss us too. You can bring me on a date but don’t disappoint me. Also, remember, don’t ask for help,” Donghyuck gave Mark a hard look, and the older just nodded.

“Thank you Sunshine, I’ll make sure you’ll be happy,” Mark said, wrapping Donghyuck into a hug.

The younger nuzzled his forehead into Mark’s arms and mumbled some incoherent words before closing his eyes. Mark took the signal and kissed Donghyuck’s fluffy hair and forced the both of them into a lying position.

By the time small snores erupted from the younger, Mark started to plan his date. With the virus, it wasn’t really easy to go to special places like movie theaters. The best thing he could do was probably take him out to a mall.

Then Han River. That’s where he would take him. Their first date was at the same place. A peaceful picnic by the river during the evening, just when the sun was setting. It was romantic, even cheesy, but nevertheless relaxing and pleasurable.

The only problem is that last time, all the good food was cooked by Doyoung and Taeyong. This time, Mark would have to cook everything himself. Mark’s cooking skills are well-known, though not in the good way. His egg frying skills have been seen countless times, yet it never improved. Even Gordon Ramsay the master himself criticized the poorly made eggs. Mark internally sighed, knowing that the probability of him burning down the kitchen was high but, oh well. He promised himself to make sacrifices to get back together with Donghyuck, cooking is just a small bump in the road.


	21. Author's Note (Will Delete Later)

Some of you may have already seen this in the notes of last chapter, but I wanted make sure, is COVID a topic too sensitive to read about? Please let me know in the comments.


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